The counselor

These past weeks have been trying for me. I have been confronted with so many different kinds of challenges, and I do not even know where to begin. To start things off, I have come to the grim reality and awful realization that I need to make more friends.

Some of my friends (well you know who you are) who are reading this right now might be really shocked, but yes! This is true. I do have some sort of social anxiety disorder and it is causing me much pain and misery now. I have thought of giving it all up, pack my bags and fly home, but I cannot bring myself to do it.

It is partly due to pride but more important it is my education which I care about. I recognize this as a challenge and I do not want to bow down to it. I simply cannot, because I am sure millions of us have experience this before, and if they could overcome it, then why not me?

Something you need to know about me, I am a very shy person, thought I do not seem so. I (really) hate making the first move and having to say hello to people. I cannot do that and I do not know how to do that. Sometimes I wonder if I am suffering from some form of social anxiety disorder. I seem to not know how to express myself at all. I have decided to seek help, and from whom you might wonder. I have decided to talk with the counselors.

I never see this day coming, and now I really think I need to use some help from them. I went in for an appointment today and we talked for some time and we that I need to do some things. Almost immediately, tears welled up from the corners of my eyes and before long I was weeping. I am a mess. I cannot contain myself at all. I hate it. It is so disgusting.

First of all, we recognized that I can make friends and have had friends before. I am capable of holding and maintaining friendships, however I am shy and needed some help. She has challenged me to keep a journal and to go out and say hello to people around me. She also told me to pray about it, pray to Heavenly Father that he might be able to bring someone to me that would be in need of my friendship and help. I am going to do that.

Well I am going back to her again next week and we shall see how it all goes.